A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Still dying that you shit outside
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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