I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
