Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I did not marry a roomba.
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