I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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