Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
