so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
