Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
