I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize