Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i've created a new STD.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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