I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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