please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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