I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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