so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
