ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
