Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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