She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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