Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My dick has a subreddit
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
