Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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