had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
