alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
