I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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