I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
