big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
