so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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