Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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