new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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