Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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