And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize