I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
