I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
