i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is it because I queefed?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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