Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
