Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize