Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
