Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
