covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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