her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
