singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
