walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
