you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
