My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
