I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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