Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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