Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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