Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
How's work?
Spinning.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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