Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
