My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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