i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
