just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
