can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize