where am i from again
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
