I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
