sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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