You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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