No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
