i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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