I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
