my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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