just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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