Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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