can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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