just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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