my vag is so smooth its legendary
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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