I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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