I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
