I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
