New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
