I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
