the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
