Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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