Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
