i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
