He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
