drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize