a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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