Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
