it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
