you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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