My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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