i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
