I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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