I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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