thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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