Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
