Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
