I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
