4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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