Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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