why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i think my cat just said my name.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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