the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
