Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My vagina is very pro this idea
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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