I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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