TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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