i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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