I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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