If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
