he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Enjoy the penises
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize