Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
