and she was petting her beer can
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
