I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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