Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
