How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize