i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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