I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
