conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
